Today is the ninetieth anniversary of D.W. Griffith's movie "The Birth of a Nation," a controversial and racist film that celebrated the origin of the Klu Klux Klan in America. I only know one way to fight hatred and that is with humor. I hope that you get a chuckle.
Today is a fitting day to begin "White History Month," a celebration of all things white. Classroom curricula should focus on traditional white music, like Lawrence Welk or anything with a polka sound to it. Teachers should also play "Dueling Banjos" from the movie "Deliverance." Modern white music will include songs by the Beatles, including playing "Hey, Jude" over and over again. If you were able to stay awake through Paul McCartney's performance during the Super Bowl half-time show, you know how rich and vibrant this can be........Sorry, I seem to have nodded off there.
If the class is sufficiently mature, please be sure to include performance footage of Tom Jones, Englebert Humperdink and, of course, Wayne Newton. Maybe a little Abba. ("Dancing Queen....")
White history month also celebrates the contributions of great Caucasian scientists, like Sir Isaac Newton. (He was very, very white.)
Recommended activities include "Dress like a white guy." Students should wear traditional white costumes, including sweater vests, three-piece suits, button-down collar shirts and really clunky shoes. Colors should never quite match.
Great white athletes will also be included in the celebration. Baseball players like Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner and Ty Cobb can serve as role models. Well...maybe not. How about Chuck Wepner, the boxer known far and wide as the "Bayonne Bleeder?"
Modern day anti-white racism should also be discussed. Like how come basketball player Steve Nash is having a career year and yet no major shoe company offers sneakers guaranteed to make you play like a short Canadian guy, aye?
Schools are encouraged to serve traditional "white" foods (like French Toast, made from white bread using egg whites) in order to give students a taste of what the white experience is really like. These foods can be a part of fund-raising activities for the Caucasian disrythmia fund that tries to teach white men to dance.